Jason Stratham with some random drunk ass.

This is the first time I told somebody the L word after having sex with their best friend

On the way to the pharmacy to get rid of these f%cking crabs.

She blames me for everything including her period

Is it against the law to beat the crap out of a dead asshole?

So many beers to drink and so little time

Not sure what’s uglier? All the scribbling or that 70′s rug?

I’ll call you when I’m done dropping this monster shit.

I’m still shell shocked from you eating pizza topped with raw eggs

What is it with you picking up chicks that look like a sasquatch?

If we’re going to church you need to stop at the liquor store so I can buy some nips.

Call me old fashion but there is something wrong with having an orgy right after a funeral

I’m placing an ad on craigs list that reads Tall hot brunette will fuck for Luis Vuitton.