So yesterday we get this incredibly well written and articulate email from someone who brings up a very valid point. No, it wasn’t another one of those “Paternity Test” requests letters, those usually come in the regular mail. You’ll find yourself going… “Ohhh yeaaaaahhh! You’re right!”I know you are usually fond of basking in the guidoness of our fine northshore men and women, which of course I truly appreciate because the irony and complete ridiculousness that they truly think they are cool was beyond comprehension… In fact unarticulatable for me until you came along and gave me and all the other exasperated Bostonians a voice. I am not writing however to only thank you for your much needed humor and much needed written assault on these cheeseball looking AX FCUK wearing fake tan, zirconia, rocking retards who photoshop petnames onto myspace accounts and probably spend an hour posing in front of a camera in thier bathroom on a biweekly basis… I am writing however to point out that, although these guidos may be somewhat ridiculous looking….I havent encountered many who come say rude and offensive things to me…stupid, ignorant things yes, but they are usually quite charming once you get around the pungent smell of aqua di gio (which thier frequent overuse has ruined the scent permanently for me). I am certainly not into dating them, but I appreciate that they own their guidoness without apology.
I am writing to bitch about the “average” looking dudes, whos origin cannot be traced by haircuts or spray tan. Im talking about the vultures that come to clubs or venues, lacking social skills, wearing khakis, a tie and holding a bud light and cell phone clip, hoping to pick up some chicks. These are the men, that have truly offended me. Case in point, the man pictured in the files i sent you, came up to me, and asked me if my friend (who i told fellow boat cruisers was my brother in an attempt to scare off would be vultures) “F*cked me up the ass….” My response, also pictured, was half disbelief, half discust. He thought it was a good opening to hit on me??!!!!! Did he think I would laugh and say, “Your so very witty lets make out,” like WHat the Hell? WOW it was a good opening to get a beating, which did happen… When the boat docked about an hour later, I went to Revolution, and once again, found myself near some wall hugging khaki wearing dudes who politely offered me a hundred dollars to show them my ass… I honestly dont get it. After I told them to fuck themselves, I wondered… why cant someone expose these vultures like wickedsexywater has exposed the guidos? Take it from me, there are various social evil doers in the boston club scene! I want Justice!
I think I’m in love…
As stated, check out the pictures below… You can see it unfold VERY clearly in these pictures. Glad she pointed this group out, probably because they get overlooked for their lack of flamboyance. We all know the type, the Dockers khaki’s, a tucked in, usually blue Ralph Lauren dress shirt, a boy’s regular hair cut, the well observed cell phone clip on the belt (kinda like a soccer dad) and nothing distinguising about them. Just about all the time, their either out of shape with a soggy midsection, or just beanpole thin. Well done my friend. You free on Saturday??
I’m now wondering what we should call this newly discovered species of Non-VIP club/bar attendees…
Get at us.
Tags: Barneys, Funny Sh!t, Stories by Mark the Intern
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